Urgh. Mars and Venus.
Let me complain about that for a couple minutes hours.
Mars and Venus, the whole spectrum of differences between men and women, ruins everything.
It's the thing that gives us the stupid butterflies in the beginning.
It's the thing that makes us go crazy in the end.
Miguel and I haven't seen each other since September 1st .. but we've been exchanging e-mails almost daily and IM-ing from time to time. Last night, I told him I was seeing Rami again. And, just like when I told him back in August, he totally flipped.
We had this whole discussion via IM until 2 am last night .. and he sent me an e-mail following that.
We're not exactly having a fight but I'm trying to get answers. He's sending me conflicting messages. And just like Rami, he doesn't seem to know what the hell he wants.
I asked him to tell me why he broke up with me. The real reasons.
"I was unhappy...I wanted change...I was irritated with my life...I had no patience with anybody anymore...that change, I had been wanting it for a year and a half...
I would wonder to myself ..how my life would be now.. if I had ended it a year and a half earlier.
It had to happen.
I would often make that scenario up in my head.
But during a year and a half, everything was going wrong.
When everything went wrong for me during that year and a half... the only thing I loved was you... that's why it was a dillema, I would wonder what it would be like without you... but also, I loved to see you happy...it made me feel like I was accomplishing something when I was in those moments where I found that nothing was going right.
But to make you happy, I often had to force myself to be available, to call you... when I didn't feel like it...after a while... it drained me out, but not just that .. there were many things draining me out in my life ... Stress.."
And then, I asked him to tell me that he was 100% happy with his decision .. and that if he did, I would drop this conversation forever.
"To say that I'm a 100% happy with my decision ? No... it always made me sad. I realize now that I needed space."
And this was followed by a whole speech about my "relationship" with Rami which he doesn't approve of. He's very upset that I'm having sex with someone who I am not in a committed relationship with. He's convinced himself that this thing between me and Rami is just sex.
I told Miguel via my reply that ..
Although it is casual between Rami and I, sex is not the main thing we do. Actually, I believe there's a difference between sex and making love .. and him and I, we're making love. But mostly, we talk .. for hours about everything. It may be headed nowhere and I don't know if it'll ever become something.. because Rami, just like Miguel, is depressed and needs space.. but that doesn't mean it's just sex between us, or that he doesn't care about me, or that he doesn't appreciate me.
Mars and Venus, I tell you.
It's like men are speaking chinese to me.
I don't understand anything they're saying.
I am most definitely not a mind reader.
{too many cups for one saucer}
Anywowzer, one of the perks of casual dating .. is the non-commitment part, right ?
So I am going on a coffee date tonight, most probably.
I met this new guy via online dating.. we'll call him Benji. He's 24 (like me), started working in january (like me) as a financial investment advisor, he's from Morroco, loves to travel and moved here when he was 17 years old .. on his own. He seems to appreciate the fact that I don't want to rush things and that I'm looking for something serious. We IM-ed each other everynight since sunday and he seems to enjoy talking to me, he seems to like my sarcasm and have a good sense of humor. I've seen a couple pictures of him and he seems really cute. He's tall, dark and handsome .. 5'10, average build, black hair, green eyes, full lips .. very much my type.
I'm really nervous to meet him so I've been postponing it all week .. but also, I want to take my time because I've got lots of things going on emotionnally right now and I do NOT think that adding one more boy to the equation is a good thing to do right now, unless I substract some of the others.
Aritza + Miguel + Rami + Benji = a mess
.. unless it's been clearly established that I am just friends with 2 of them.
This leads me to wonder what love is.
I think I could love all three of these guys.
If, in some weird parallel universe, they ALL wanted to be in a relationship with me, right now, and make me happy.
Who would I pick ?! How could I pick ?
*Le sigh*
Monogamy is so complicated, lol.

P.S. I've just become a member of
SocialVibe this week. I added a button on the right so you guys can help me raise funds / water for
Charity:Water. I picked this particular cause because I think that it's truly at the core of all problems.
Without water, there is simply no life. - Thanks for your help !!!