Goddess of... Recover & Discover

If you read the previous post, you're caught up on the years 2011 to 2016 for me, relationship-wise.

Recover

I think the first breakup of your "adulthood" is hard, really hard. You suddenly realize that maybe you don't have it all figured out and it's not going to turn out as planned. That's when you think "Plan A" is over and enters "Plan B".

I had been focusing on being a team player, building something as a couple. I had forgotten who I was (my hobbies) and had put that aside for the benefit of the "unit"... even though Nick never asked me to.

Thankfully, one thing I was smart enough never to put aside, were my friendships. I always made time for my friends over the years and they were there for me when I was broken. At some point, after some time of being broken, I realized that I had a lot of people around me who loved me and I didn't love myself nearly as much.


Discover

So about "Plan B", which probably should've been "Plan A" all along: To focus on "Project Me".

Develop a person (body, mind & soul) so interesting, you can't help but fall in love... with yourself. I think that a lot of my "issues" in life are based on my poor self-esteem. The struggle is *very* real, still to this day.

Over the past year and a half, I've been working on a personal transformation. To rediscover who I was, who I am, who I want to be. I've reconnected with my self, my friends (they're even more present in my life now), my passions, my hobbies.

Who I was : Naive, artistic, loving, generous, sweet. I've reconnected with my artistic side, going to the museum a lot (with others AND by myself), taking art classes for the first time in 12 years. As for my youthful innocence, it's harder process. I don't trust as easily, if at all. Any advice?

Who I am : Independent, interesting, curious, well-rounded. I don't let others in as easily anymore, I don't accept a lot of help (if any), I am responsible for all the bills & chores. I get a lot of satisfaction from doing things on my own, I always have... I'm an only child.

I'm well-rounded in the sense that I try a lot of things, I have so many different hobbies, and I try restaurants, bars, music, art, etc. I don't really have a speciality, something I excel in. I've been rediscovering my main interests: art, food & travel.

Who I want to be : All that I was, that I am and more. I want to be confident, self-assured, but I'm constantly afraid of being perceived as cocky or full of myself. Over the years, I've struggled with self-esteem and I decided it was better to be 'invisible'... than to be seen as cocky. I have to find the right balance now, and understand that it *is* possible to be confident without being seen as obnoxious.

I saw a shrink recently for the first time and all the commented on this was that it was "interesting". I asked for practical advice but she didn't really help me in finding solutions. I don't know why I'm like this.. but I'd like to improve. If you've got any tips, I'd love to hear it.

Later my Bloggeroos,

Goddess of.. Jetting Off to France!

The day has arrived, I'm leaving tonight on a jet plane! *Cue nervous laughter*

First time flying by myself and I'm going across the pond.. which has left me feeling nervous. Not so much for the flight but for all the possible "unforseens" that go along with travelling to a place you don't really know yet.

I wish my momma was coming with me, she always knows what to do in any given situation. She's my security blanket, you know?

To me, this feels like another step towards become a woman. The kind of woman my mother is.

Free, independent, self-sufficient, well-rounded woman.


It's exciting, it's terrifying and it'll change me -- which is exactly why I'm doing this.

Countdown: Leaving today!

Goddess of .. Zen living: Oh Happy Day !

Do you ever look up at the sky and just feel happy ?

I've been doing that every day after work for the past three weeks. I love to look up at the beautiful blue sky and feel the light Autumn breeze on my hands and face.

I get out of work, turn on my ipod, plug it into my ears and start walking. I walk to the nearest subway and meanwhile, I marvel at the wonderful neighborhood where I now have the pleasure of working.

And that's just after work.

My work day is just as great. I love what I do, it's challenging, fast-paced and fun. I have a lot of liberty and responsabilities in my work.. and I get to see the results of my efforts every week. The people I work with are awesome, so awesome that I've hung out with a co-worker one night, just because. She's my age, likes the same things as me (the same tv shows, local bars, restaurants, types of people, designs/decorations, etc.), she's also a blogger and she's always fun & happy. That's my new requirement for friends: Must be positive.

What does it take for you to happy? A little or a lot?

I am happy with very little, although I enjoy luxury.. I believe that I'm a positive person from the inside-out and not the other way around.

Since I started working full-time (actually, having two jobs is more like working overtime), I've been looking at condominiums for sale recently and I've realized that I would be happy with just a small efficient pleasant space. 

What are some of the things you could live without? 

I don't need or want two bedrooms. I don't need a giant kitchen or a large dining area. I don't need a breath-taking view of the city. To me, it's comforting to know that even if there ever comes a time when I am less fortunate or lucky in life (*knock on wood*).. I won't be miserable because I am fundamentaly happy. 

When it comes to your living space, what do you really want?

I have been thinking about my first (very own) living space.. for years now.

I am still living with my mother but I feel much better about it than I did a year ago. I know it's only temporary and I am seeing the bigger picture: I am saving up to buy a place of my own rather then renting out.

My basic requirements: About 500 square feet (or more), could be a loft but I want a bedroom with a door or some kind of division (so that I don't hear the fridge when I am in my bed), a bathtub (I am looking forward to long relaxing baths) and a balcony (it doesn't have to be huge).

Optional things I would love: Granite countertops, a U-shaped kitchen (I just prefer that layout), big windows with lots of light and a brick wall in the living room. But really, I don't need any of this to be happy . I'd rather spend less on the place itself and have more money for other projects such as travelling & an overall better quality of life on a daily basis.   

What are the small things (or people) that make you smile ?

Goddess of .. Flirty, Fun and Fabulous !

The three imperative "F"s :

Flirty.
Fun.
F*ckin' Fabulous !

That's my new motto, for the summer. Why you ask ?

Why not, I say. Because I can, Because I want to, Because I will be.

I'm tired of whining about stuff.

I'm tired of being depressed.

I'm tired of being tired.

It's time to be happy now.

I'm 25 years old.

I'm healthy.

I'm happy.

and I'm pretty.

Yay !*

*Fine, maybe I overdid it when I decided to have a coffee at 10pm. Oh well.

I have a new list up on Shoptopia :

Be your best Sunshine Girl !

That means following the three "F"s this summer, Bloggies.

If you're happily married : Flirt with your husband ! 

If you're self-conscious : Challenge yourself to act confident and have fun with it !

No more excuses, just be happy.

Just do it.

Yes, that means now :)